Could this be love? Probably not
by JestaAriadne
Summary: Chapter 3 UP! TiVi? er, AerVi? ...RufTi? You asked, you got it! Will they find true love? Will Reno EVER be sober? ...And what the heck is up with Tifa today?
1. drop hints from a height of 50ft

Snapshots of What May Be True Love But Probably Isn't

by JestaAriadne in the late nights of Dec 2002/Jan 2003

Featuring....

Yuffie and Vincent

Yuffie and Reno

Cloud and Vincent

Cloud and Tifa

Vincent and Cid

Red XIII and Cait Sith

Cloud and Jessie

Cloud and Sephiroth

Aeris and Sephiroth

Final Fantasy VII is NOT mine, it is SQUARESOFT'S and if they're still insecure about that fact... well.. *shakes head* I think we all know by now.

Notes (that you don't have to read...) Very short, very not-to-be-taken-seriously, sometimes very sarcastic making-fun-of little vigniettes of a moment with various couples from FFVII. And I'm being sarcastic and bashing ALL of them, even the ones I really like, *cough*majoryuffentinefan*cough* so um... you shouldn't really get offended. 

Ta! Also, written sketchily as a script for a few laughs, coswell, I just like to laugh, OK? Probably... wait... no I take it back... _possibly_ the stupidest thing I've written. I've written a LOT of stupid things.

ANYWAY, that's getting off the point. The point is to make fun of everyone. Enjoy!!

  


First up......... Yuffie and Vincent

Yuffie: VINNIEEEEEEE!!!!

Vincent: .......

Yuffie: HIIIIIIII!!!!!!

Vincent:......

Yuffie: *steals all his materia*

Vincent: ....

Yuffie (confused): Er, Vinnie, I've stolen your materia... Aren't you gonna try'n get it back or something?

Vincent: Oh yes. That is unacceptable behaviour. Give it back.

Yuffie: Not gonna! *runs*

Vincent: *turns into Chaos* ROAR!!

Yuffie: AAAAH!! *keeps running*

Vincent: *turns back* No... wait. Yuffie, I do not want to add another sin to my soul. Maybe this is a way for me to atone. Alright, you keep the materia.

Yuffie: YEY!

Vincent: And for added atonement, I'll put up with you being my girlfriend.

Yuffie: Um........OK! *kisses him*

~~~

Yuffie and Reno

Reno: Oaauuhhh the bear went ovvveer the moountain, *hic* the beaar.... aaaaaauuuugh...

Yuffie: Oooh, man, you are SO plastered.

Reno: Thanks, *hic* talking tree....

Yuffie: I'm not a talking tree, I'm Yuffie.

Reno: eh....? Bears... hehe....

Yuffie: Er... as in, Yuffie from AVALANCHE? Your enemy?

Reno: Hehe... mountains have the... wossnames...avalanches...*hic* 

Yuffie: And you're a Turk, so I should probably run or kill you before you kill me. *considers* But I like to live dangerously!! So, can we have sex?

Reno: *recognizes that word* ...Sure... *hic*

~~~

Cloud and Vincent

Cloud: Life sucks, doesn't it?

Vincent: Life is but a shadow cast by death.

Cloud:.......?

Vincent: We are merely toys of the forces far beyond comprehension.

Cloud:.....indeed....

Vincent: *suddenly remembers* I HAVE SINNED!!!

Cloud: No you haven't. I love you!

Vincent: It would be a sin to love again.

Cloud:.....

Vincent:........

Cloud:......?

Vincent:... . .

Cloud:....?!

Vincent:....!!  


Cloud: ....!!!!

Vincent: Yes!!

[They kiss]

~~~

Cloud and Tifa

Cloud: I'm so confused...... I don't understand life...... Sometimes I think I'm going crazy...... 

Tifa (dressed up specially): Hi Cloud.

Cloud: Hi Tifa... Nice ches- dress!!!!

Tifa: Hi Cloud... umm... *looks nervous*

Cloud: Hi Tifa. I'm so confused...

Tifa: I've.... I've got something I've gotta tell you...

Cloud: I don't understand lif- Sorry, what did you just say?

Tifa: I've got something important to tell you.

Cloud: Oh, OK. But sometimes I think I'm going crazy. Did you know that?

Tifa: Oh, I don't know how to say it......

Cloud: (helpfully) Life's confusing, isn't it?

Tifa: Yes....

Cloud: Just go ahead and say it. Get it off your chest- Er... 

Tifa: I don't know how to -

[Tifa continues in this vein for about twenty minutes. Cloud sits and contemplates life.]

Tifa: Cloud, I - I love you!

Cloud: Hey, cool! I love you!!!

[They kiss. Cloti shippers cheer. Militant Cleris shippers grab their guns...]

~~~

Vincent and Cid

Vincent: .....I have sinned....

Cid: You £@£%*&&er, you haven't sinned. Well, you have. _Everyone_ has &*$&$ing sinned, but that's no reason to get so down. I mean, if everyone.... *goes into a twenty minute speech* ....and that's why the chicken crossed the road!

Vincent:....

Cid: Damn, why's it gotta be so £@£%£$&*£$ing confusing?

Vincent:.... what?

Cid: LOVE, you £$£%£$%*&er. I LOVE YOU.

Vincent: ....?

Cid: @£*$&*£&^%~!!! STOP SAYIN' THAT!!!

Vincent: Sorry. I have sinned again, haven't I?

Cid: NO!!! SHUT UP! *kisses Vincent*

--the next morning--

Vincent: Cid....

Cid (growling): Vincent... WHERE'S MY £$&£*&ING TEA????

~~~

Red XIII and Cait Sith

Red: Hmmm.... so how's this supposed to work??

Cait Sith: Dunno. I mean... I'm a fake cat toy on a moogle controlled by a man miles away working for Shinra, and you're a weird red beasty thing.... 

Red: You're right I really can't see any sort of relationship developing.

Cait Sith: Yeah... I guess this author is just twisted.

Red: So many of them are...

Cait Sith: Or just plain weird and stupid. I mean, most fics don't even INCLUDE me!

Red: Hey, me neither! 

Cait Sith: Really? I didn't realise... SOMEONE UNDERSTANDS ME!!!

[They kiss. Somehow.]

~~~

Cloud and Jessie

Jessie: Here, Cloud. I worked extra-hard on this special magic ID for you.

Cloud: *takes it*

Jessie: Er... aren't you going to say thank you?

Cloud: *glaring* Thank you.

Jessie: And here's a special magic thing that will help you hold up six foot long swords for longer periods of time without falling over! I worked all night on this one!

Cloud: *takes it*

Jessie: ....Cloud?

Cloud: Alright! Thanks. Now go away. I hate everyone.

Jessie: No, first, I have to give you a magic thing that will stop you from getting killed! It was mine, but.... I'm gonna give it to you, cos -

Cloud: *takes it*

Jessie: ....Cloud.......?

Cloud: What??

Jessie: ARGH!!!! CAN'T YOU TAKE A HINT??????

Cloud: ....?

Jessie: I LOVE you, you idiot!

Cloud: I don't care.

Jessie: ARGH. You just don't care about ANYTHING or ANYONE, do you?

Cloud: Nope.

Jessie: Not even Tifa?

Cloud: ...No.

Jessie: HOPE!!! 

Cloud: ....

Jessie: Look, just please say you love me?

Cloud: No.

Jessie: PLEASE?

Cloud: ....Will you pay me?

Jessie: Shuddup! *kisses him*

~~~

Cloud and Sephiroth

Cloud: Sephiroth!

Seph: Muahaha!

Cloud: So....evil....but...so...hot...! *shakes*

Seph: I am, aren't I? *evil grin at the camera*

[fangirls the world over swoon]

Cloud: What are you doing here?

Seph: Muahaha! Cloud.... *waves hand stupidly* You will like me.... You WILL like me... 

Cloud: *goes all flickery* (in a montone) Yes Master...

Seph: ...You will LOVE me! You will be my eternally devoted slave!!

Cloud: Yes Master...

~~~

SPOILER ALERT!!!!

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-(sorry, but I'm making a big deal of this because I know how annoying spoiling the story for yourself is from personal experience!!)

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STOP!!!!!!!! NOW.

And finally........

Aeris and Sephiroth!

Aeris: *prays* 

Seph: *jumping down from on high with sword* DIE!!

Aeris: *dies*

Seph: Whoops. Didn't mean it.

Aeris: *comes back to life* Oh, OK.

Seph: I love you!!!!!!

Aeris: I love you too!!!!!!!

Seph: I'm really sorry about killing you and everything...

Aeris: That's OK.

They kiss. The end.

(AeriSeph fans cheer, militant Cleris fans feel they're getting a rough deal here and hold the author at gunpoint....)

~~~

Author: Alright, ALRIGHT!! For you..... 

Special extra.   


Cloud and Aeris

Cloud: I really love Aeris.

Aeris: (I'm dead.)

Cloud: I think I'll go ressurect her. *collects 121 tissues from the battle square, buries them in Aeris' flower-church-place, digs them up at midnight on the 7th day, eats two of them, throws the rest at the Emerald WEAPON forcing it to give him the Hyper Revive materia. In order to make this materia work, it must be combined with the X-Life materia which he gets from the Sleeping Forest after sacrificing Yuffie to the Forest God. Runs to the City of the Ancients. (Yuffie, by the way, is not happy about this and will wreak her vengeance later on the whole world, but that's not the point here.)*

Cloud: AAAAAEEEEERRRRRIIIIIISSSSS!!!!! *uses materia*

Aeris: *floats up out of the water, hair falling dramatically and not soaking wet all over her beautiful form* Cloud!! You - you ressurected me!! Thank you!  


Cloud: *watches her floating above the water in the middle of the lake* You OK there?

Aeris: Um.....

Cloud: *starts to wade into the lake again. Realises that it must be pretty deep for Aeris to do that dramatic sinking-thing all the way down to the bottom. Starts to sink* Ooops.

Aeris: CLOUD??

Cloud: Aeris!! I'm DYING!

Aeris: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Cloud: NOOOOOOOO!!!

Aeris: *drops from the sky into the lake* *sinks*

Cloud: *continues to sink*

Aeris: *continues to sink*

(They grab each other's hands underwater. All following dialoge takes place underwater and so actually sounds something like "blubbeleuebelblublublua" but....anyway...)

Aeris: I'll never let go, Cloud!

Cloud: My heart will go on!  


Aeris: I LOOOOOOVE YOU!

Cloud: I LOOOOOOVE YOU!

Both: *die*

(Cleris shippers still not entirely satisfied........ hmmm... oh dear..... Raise their guns again.)

(Author runs, hijacks the Highwind and hopes to live as an unnoticed fugitive. Realises the slight problem of the Highwind in this hope, parachutes out above Cosmo Canyon and lives out the rest of her days as the librarian there.)

THE END


	2. yah, Reno should SO be a rap artist

Could This Be Love? Probably Not (except in a few isolated cases). Part 2 : The Turks, and moooore!

by JestaAriadne, 2003

Hey, I'm back! I'm really amazed at how many people are STILL reviewing the first part of this randomness... And because of zhakeena who suggested the Shinra, and Alan Bates who reminded me of Tifa/Aeris, and because I'm just crazy like that... Here is more!! 

In case you were wondering: I don't own Final Fantasy VII.

And just remember guys, this is a PARODY - I'm not trying to offend _anyone_ here, just make harmless fun of _everyone_! And beware of spoilers throughout!!

Featuring....

Elena and Reno

Elena and Rude

Elena and Tseng

Tseng and Aeris

Zack and Aeris

Rufus and Reno

Scarlett and Reeve

Tifa and Aeris

Zack and Cloud

Enjoy....

~~~

Elena and Reno

Elena: Gotta look cool to impress Reno! *takes out packet of cigarettes, and eventually works out how to light one*

Reno: Hey.

Elena: H-h*chokes on the smoke* I mean, hey Reno!! And, um, hey I was wondering, y'know like since you're so cool and I'm kinda cool too *waves arms about* Well, maybe we could - 

Reno: Your hair's on fire.

Elena: YaaH!!

Reno: *shakes head and leaves*

~~~

Elena and Rude

Elena: Gotta look cool to impress Rude! *dons a pair of very dark sunglasses and poses*

Rude: .....

Elena: Hey, Rude!!!!!!!!

Rude: Hello.

Elena: Wanna come for a walk or something??  
  


Rude: ...*shrugs and walks off. Elena follows quickly, trying to see him through the sunglasses.*

Elena: So, like, how about maybe next saturday, I mean if you're free and everything, I just thought it might be kinda fun maybe if we, y'know -

Rude: Elena, you're gonna - 

Elena: *bumps into a lamppost.* Ow!......

Rude: ....bump into a lamppost.

Elena: *lying on the ground.* Aaaaargh. Er... could you give me the kiss of life or something?

Rude: ...No. *leaves*

~~~

Elena and Tseng

Elena: Gotta look cool to impress Tseng!

Tseng: .... I'm dead, remember?

Elena: Hey, Tseng!!

Tseng: Elena, I'm dead.

Elena: Tseng, I was thinking, d'you think maybe like-

Tseng: I'm DEAD, for crying out loud!! Stop bugging me!

Elena: Don't worry about it. Look, maybe saturday, I mean, I'm not doing -

Tseng: ELENA!! I. AM. DEAD!!! How are you even talking to me?? And even if I was alive, I love Aeris, OK?

Elena: WHAT?? *faints*

~~~

Tseng and Aeris

Tseng: Don't anyone forget, I'm dead.

Aeris: Me too. Sucks, doesn't it?

Tseng: Yeah... Hey... Aeris....?

Aeris: NO. Don't even think about it. You're a mean person who kidnapped me and hit me in that helicopter and now you want me to fall in love with you??

Tseng: Did I say that?? Did I EVER even SUGGEST that I wanted you to fall in love with me?? *shakes head* ...But, OK, yes I do. 

Aeris: *glares*

Tseng: Oh, COME ON - you forgive Sephiroth for KILLING you and you won't forgive me??

Aeris: Oh... right, yes I guess you have a point there... OK.

Tseng: So, do you love me??

Aeris: Um... well... maybe.

Tseng: Yey!! *dances around in a very un-Tseng-ish way.*

Aeris: Um.... I'm scared. *leaves*

~~~

Zack and Aeris

Zack: I'm dead.

Aeris: Yeah, me too. Look, yeah, I love you and we've been through this before!

Zack: We have?

Aeris: Oh... whoops, no, that was that _other _very attractive dark-haired young man...

Zack: Aeris!! You said you'd be faithful forever!

Aeris: Well so did you, and then you went and DIED!!

Zack: Oh. OK. I'm sorry. But you died too!!

Aeris: That was _afterwards._ And only because I missed you so much.

Zack: Is that true?

Aeris: ...um, no... Actually, I died to save the entire planet from being squished by a meteor.

Zack: Oh, that's cool too. By the way, I still love you.

Aeris: Yey! I love you too!!

*they kiss* Aw....

~~~

Rufus and Reno

Rufus: Excuse me, do I know you?

Reno: Um... I'm Reno, I'm a Turk, I do all your dirty work... (A/N: Ooh, he's a poet!)

Rufus: *waves hand dismissively* Oh, right, yeah. 

Reno: ...Um.... so.... what now?

Rufus: Oh, I think we're supposed to fall in love or something. Any ideas?

Reno: Nah, I'm not too bothered. Look, um - d'you have any beer? Only it's been like 2 whole hours since I last had a drink.

Rufus: *opens a HUGE drinks cabinet* Sure. Knock yourself out.

Reno: WOW, thanks!

Both: *get drunk* 

Reno: uuuuUUUuuurrrRRRggHh.....

Rufus: Eeeuuuughh youuuuu're preddy hot...

Reno: Heeey, yeah... I am.... yooou, you too...

Rufus: Uurrrrggh..... you wannaaaaa....?

Reno: Yesh...... I wannaaaaa....

---at this point we shall draw a red velvet curtain to protect the poor kiddies before this gets even more disturbing. Sorry!---

*militant yaoi fans glare menacingly*

~~~

Scarlett and Reeve

Scarlett: Hiii Reeve...

Reeve: Er... h-hi, S-scarlett.

Scarlett: You know, you're a very clever man... not to mention good looking...

Reeve: *gulp*

Scarlett: So whaddya say?

Reeve: A-uh, erm... what d-do I say... t-to what e-exactly?

Scarlett: *moves closer* You know you want me.

Reeve: Er, actually, no, I don't, I... I, I honestly don't-

Scarlett: *kisses him*

Reeve: ...!help!...

---red curtain time again!----

*militant hentai fans glare menacingly.*

Oh come off it, you wound't wanna see hentai with Reeve and Scarlett would you??

WOULD you?? 

Eeep.

~~~

Tifa and Aeris (who is mysteriously alive. She just is, OK?)

Tifa: He's MINE!  
  


Aeris: Not likely!

Tifa: Bitch!!

Aeris: Whore!!

Tifa: *gasping in anger* How DARE you?

Aeris: I always tell the truth.

Tifa: *calms down* Really? *sugar-sweet* I guess you just can't admit it even to yourself then... You're nothing to him. *a little confused suddenly* Besides, you're DEAD, aren't you?

Aeris: True love never dies. 

Tifa: *shrugs* Well, better get your coffin ready then. He proposed to me yesterday...

Aeris: I don't THINK so. Dear, you're a little confused. It was ME he asked to marry him.

Tifa: Er, no. Like, there's no way he would have asked both of us!

Aeris: No, therefore he asked ME.

Tifa: ME!

Aeris: ME ME ME!

*pause*

Tifa: Unless... he really DID ask both of us?

Aeris: You don't suppose...?

Tifa: That would mean............................  
  


Aeris: YOU'RE A LIAR!!

Tifa: No YOU are!

Aeris: YOU!

Tifa: YOU YOU YOU!

Aeris: Unless....

Tifa: Maybe.....

Aeris: You think he......?

Tifa: Aeris, I've come to a decision. 

Aeris: Me too.

Tifa: YOU'RE A LIAR!

Aeris: No YOU are!!!

(cat-fight.... etc etc etc etc. About twenty minutes later.......)

Aeris: Unless......?

Tifa: Just... maybe....?

Aeris: HE's the liar!

Tifa: HE's the bastard!

Aeris: He's been playing with our hearts too long!

Tifa: Oh Aeris!

Aeris: Oh Tifa!

Tifa: I'm so sorry!

Aeris: Me too!

Tifa: I love you!

Aeris: I love you too!!

Both *think*: This'll teach him....

*kiss*

There!! Romanatic closure!! What more could you want? Yuri? You want yuri...?

(btw... anyone seen/read The Importance of Being Ernest?? This would be a..._different _sort of conclusion to Cecily and Gwendolen's argument...)

~~~

Anyway, as the militant yaoi fans are still glaring menacingly at me, I shall attempt to appease them....

Zack and Cloud

Zack: So.... we're both dead, right?

Cloud: Er... I'm not dead!!

Zack: Oh really?

Cloud: Yes, really!  
  


Zack: Well you are now!!!! *runs at Cloud with Buster Sword*

Cloud: Zack! What are you doing?? Zack, why do you want to kill me??  
  


Zack: So we can be together for all eternity, muahaha!!

*various Zack fans - including the author - scratch their heads and Glare Menacingly at this outbreak of OOCness.*

Cloud: But but... Zack wouldn't say that, would he??

Zack: Well, no. But you see - I'm not really Zack! I'm -

Cloud: NO!

Zack: I'M SEPHIROTH!!! MUAHAHAHA!!! *turns into Sephiroth*

Cloud: Noooooooo! No - Wait.......

Zack/Sephiroth: *does mind controlly thing*

Cloud: I mean.... Yeeees! Yes yes yes!!!!!

Zack/Sephiroth: Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!

and we'll leave it to the militant yaoi fans' imagination if they so wish ;)

*militant yaoi fans level their guns at author. So do the militant Good Writing fans who are demanding at gunpoint how come Sephiroth keeps spontaneously coming back to life, and haven't I ever heard of characterization?*

*author eeeps. they found her in her hideaway in the Cosmo Canyon library. Eep.*

*oh and I'd forgotten the die-hard Elena fans...*

*author eeps again and runs off to find somewhere more pleasant to live, like a coffin or something. Hey, at least people aren't pointing guns at you!!!*

~~~

Tra la la... that's it for now.... LOL, I don't seem to be making friends with these, do I? Don't take ANY of it seriously or personally!! 

And send any reviews to JestaAriadne, 3rd Coffin from the Left, Nibelhelm Mansion, Nibelhelm. Thank you.


	3. things fall apart

Hey, I'm back! And ­ for some reason unfathomable by anyone sane ­ continuing this fic! I've had SO much more response than I expected for such silliness, which started a whole year ago now... A couple things to say before we begin:  
1. No, this isn't finished.  
2. It probably won't ever be! (I'm not going to calculate just how many possible couples there are out of all the FFVII characters, but I have a feeling that it's an awful lot!!)   
3. Related note: people keep reviewing saying I've missed out couples ­ I'm not igoring you, I will try to get to them eventually! :)  
4. Thanks very very much for all the reviews! Like I said, more than I hoped for!

Someone even suggested threesomes!! XD... well.... maaaybe, we'll see... but I'm not sure if even I am that daring yet....! Besides, there's plenty of fun to be had with just two people! Oh, and by the way ­ just to restate: **I am making fun of everyone!!** **EVERYONE!** This is a **PARODY!** No favouritism or actual bashing in here!! Uh... I dunno if there's anything that could really count as much of a spoiler... but if you're vulnerable to such things, consider yourself warned!

I hope you enjoy some of the even more unorthodox conclusions in this chapter........ These are getting further and further away from the conventional definition of "couple", but never mind! (sorry, these are getting longer and maybe not as good... I'll try to make 'em good again soon!)

Oh yeah, I still don't own Final Fantasy VII....

Crazy Couplings, by JestaAriadne, part 3!!

Starring.....  
Sephiroth and Tifa  
Reno and Jessie  
Aeris and Vincent  
Reno and Cloud  
Vincent and Tifa  
Barret and Cloud  
Rufus and Tifa  
Zack and Tifa

---

Sephiroth and Tifa

Sephiroth: Hello Tifa.

Tifa: ::freaks out:: Sephiroth!!!?? But ­ you're dead!!

Sephiroth: ::deadpan:: So are half the people in this fic. Your point?

Tifa: ....

Sephiroth: (brightly) So, how about we go on a date?

Tifa: WHAT? You've killed my family and my friends and tried to destroy the world and made Cloud go mental ­ you've generally _ruined_ my _life_and now you want to go on a date??

Sephiroth: Oh come _on_, Tifa, be reasonable; Aeris forgave me, why can't you let the past go?

Tifa: Aeris?? Don't even _mention_ that name in my presence. And go away!!

Sephiroth: ::shakes his head:: I'm sorry, Tifa, I didn't think it would have to come to this but.... MUAHAHAHAHA!!! ::floats around freakishly:: I shall have you, whether you want it or not!

Tifa: Yeah, right. ::roundhouse punches him::

Sephiroth: ::is out cold::

Tifa: Hmm, he's kinda cute like that... ::drags him off with her::

---

Reno and Jessie

Jessie: Hey you! Shinra are evil! Help save the Planet!!

Reno: ::blink::...Uh.... hey? ::looks at her properly:: Hey, you're pretty hot, wanna ­

Jessie: No!! ::primly:: I only have eyes for Cloud Strife.

Reno: That loser again? WHAT do you people SEE in him??

Jessie: ::scoffs:: Maybe his good looks, his brains, his debonair charm? ....Uh... wait, that was someone else....darnit. But I'm sure there's lots of good things about Cloud!

::pause::

Jessie: OK, so maybe you have a point.

Reno: So you wanna go out with me? Chance of a lifetime, today only I appear in this fic SOBER!

Jessie: Wow, that is pretty impressive... OK.

::several hours later::

Reno: ::chugging down beer for all he's worth:: ........aw damnit, not agaaaain..... ::hiccup::

Jessie: Er... I think you might have had enough for now...

Reno: Weeeellllll, OK, buuut... whadabout yoou, I want you tooo.... Comeon... you know you wannnna? ::moves very unsteadily in her general direction::

Jessie: Actually... no. ::carefully drags him away and deposits him outside::

Reno: ::takes a few minutes to realise what just happened:: ........aw damnit.

---

Aeris and Vincent

Aeris: Hey, Vincent....

Vincent: ....

Aeris: I'm lonely, Vincent. I'm bored and dead and Cloud doesn't like me.... Can I be your girlfriend please?

Vincent: ....

Aeris: Pleeease? I'll give you some flowers! ::stuffs a bouquet into his arms:: Hey... uh... Vincent...?

Vincent: ....

Aeris: Viiinceent??

Vincent: ....::snore::

Aeris: YOU'RE ASLEEP??

Vincent: ::wakes up:: Wha?? Lucrecia??

Aeris: ::sweatdrop:: No, I'm Aeris. And I wanna be your girlfriend.

Vincent: (wide-eyed) LUCREEECIA!!

Aeris: Argh!! ::takes back flowers and storms off:: Loser.

---

Reno and Cloud

Reno: Oh man, not you again...

Cloud: That's not very nice!

Reno: ::sigh:: It's just that every time we meet we end up getting in a big fight and then I miss Happy Hour at Turtle's Paradise....

Cloud: Yeah, well _I_ miss a good few hours of angsting and you don't hear _me_ complaining, do you?? Anyway, you're the enemy, and I'm a simple-minded hero, so I'm gonna attack you. ::starts charging forward with sword::

Reno: ::backs off hastily:: Uhhh.... how about we settle this over a pint?? ...Or two? Or maybe... like... twelve?

Cloud: ...........OK

::at Turtle's Paradise, twelve and half rounds later::

Reno: eyyyy.... yer lookin'.... good.....

Cloud: yeeaaahhh.... ey, Reenooo I loooove ya....

Reno: ...yeah...? Yeer so cuuuuute.... (notd again... why doooo I always... ged stuck wid the...random sdrunk sceeenss...?)

Cloud: c'm 'ere....

Reno: oooh yesh...

::::red curtain time!::::

---

Vincent and Tifa

Tifa: Oh Cloud......

Vincent: Oh... Lucrecia!

Tifa: OHH CLOOOUD!

Vincent: Lucrecia, my one... my only.....

Tifa: Ahem!! MY angsty moment, MINE! Go AWAY! Ahem. Oh Cloud... if only I could tell you how I feel....

Vincent: ::interupts as if he had not heard her:: Oh Lucrecia I would die a thousand deaths if I could just put into words the angst that is in my heart and spout it out before you...

Tifa: ::glares at Vincent, then continues talking to the air:: Cloud... If only you would listen to me... you're trapped in your own world....

Vincent: Oh, Lucrecia!! If only you were alive to hear me!! But you're not, you're trapped in the world of the dead and my life is so worthless without you... My days are dark, my heart is beating yet but it is a false sign in a shell where no hope is left!!!

Tifa: OK, that's it!! It's bad enough that _he_ doesn't love me and I'm pursued by stalkers like that Sephiroth... who is pretty cute..... But anyway, DON'T YOU TRY TO UPSTAGE ME, MISTER!!!!

Vincent: ::eeeps:: ....Oh, is this the punishment for my sin??

Tifa: ARGH!! STOOOOP IT!!! ::roundhouse punches him::

Vincent: ::is out for the count::

Tifa: Hmm, he's kinda cute like that... ::drags him off with her::

---

Barret and Cloud

Cloud: Argh, why are you so big-headed, Barret?

Barret: Look who's talkin! Why do YOU have such an attitude problem, _Cloud_?

Cloud: Why do YOU have such issues with my attitude, moron?

Barret: Why do YOU have a problem with me havin issues with your attitude, dumbass??

Cloud: Why are so SO ANNOYING??

Barret: WHY YOU SUCH A DAMN FOO'?

Cloud: WHY DON'T YOU LEARN SOME GRAMMAR??

::pause::

Barret: What's that supposed to mean? Get yo' spiky ass offa my case!

Cloud: ::sigh:: For the last time, it's my HAIR that is spiky, NOT my ass!!

Barret: ...You wanna show me proof?

Cloud: ::blinks:: Well.... uh.... OK! ::starts to undo his pants............::

::::ALERT! ALERT! **MAJOR** RED CURTAIN TIME!!!!!::::

Muaha. That was slightly worriesome to say the least...

Cloud fangirls approach menacingly after being denied the chance of a lifetime... A few of the more intelligent ones go looking for the curtain-opening mechanism, while we continue our tales.....

---

Rufus and Tifa

Tifa: You're mean! You're evil! Quit destroying the planet!! .....And aren't you dead??

Rufus: Dead is a state of mind. You're cute, by the way. Nice outfit.

Tifa: Grr. I know how to deal with jerks like you.

Rufus: Do you indeed...?

Tifa: YES! ::roundhouse punches him::

Rufus: ::is in a state of unconsciousness::

Tifa: Hee... he's kinda cute like that too. I could get used to this... ::drags him off with her::

---

Zack and Tifa

Tifa: Hey there, cutie-pie!

Zack: Er, do I know you?? Let me introduce myself ­ My name's Zack, and I'm actually dead. And, uh, you are...?

Tifa: ::smiles:: Look, Zack, whoever you are... I'm really sorry about this but... ::roundhouse punches him:: ...You're just too cute! ::giggle::

Zack: aaahuuuhgg.... wha... was tha for...... ::collapses::

Tifa: Hehehe. ::drags him off to add to her bishie collection::

---

Militant Tifa fans are advancing towards me menacingly....

Oh no, wait, they're not all Tifa fans... and they're not all heading towards me...

Ah! It's the League of Mad Militant Fangirls themselves!!! ...and they're after Tifa's bishie collection... (Heee, maybe I'll go join them... Come on, let me be a mad fangirl sometimes!)

A/N: Sorry, I just got carried away with that lame joke :) Don't worry though, I think most of the running jokes here will only run for the chapter's length (like the Elena thing...) so be happy :)

Eh, and if you wanna read something SLIGHTLY more serious, I'm finally posting Bring On Tomorrow, my personal fun take on post-game possibilities   
[/shameless plug] 


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